Today is Coke and Pepsi McDonald's thirteenth birthday. Someone's out to make sure they never make it to thirteen and a half.

Racing across America,
the twins will nearly be
BOILED ALIVE
in a huge basket of french fries,
FROZEN TO DEATH
by soft-serve ice cream,
STAMPEDED
in a wild stadium riot,
KIDNAPPED
from a high-speed
roller coaster, and
WORST OF ALL
their parents think
they're totally joking!

Will they survive? Will they defeat Archie Clone? Will they be dropped out of a helicopter onto the tip of the Washington Monument? Will they ever say "genius"?